The fraternity experience thrives on many college campuses,
in spite of our well-documented challenges, because fraternities provide young
men with something that they struggle to find elsewhere on a college campus – a
sense of belonging. From Dyad’s research, belonging is one of the primary
indicators of a healthy chapter, boosting commitment, retention, and overall
satisfaction with the fraternity experience. Participating in a healthy
brotherhood can be a catalyst to a college experience that builds a man through
self-exploration, leadership experiences, mentorship, and a community of
support. This type of experience can give men the tools and integrity to lead
in their family, faith, and work communities. Promoting a healthy sense of
belonging within fraternity chapters is essential to having a healthy and
positive chapter culture. However, the manner in which a chapter expresses and
rewards masculinity can deeply impact members' sense of belonging. Toxic
masculinity destroys belonging, but healthy masculinity can be an asset
leveraged to combat the toxicity.
So how does toxic masculinity show up in a fraternity
chapter? Fraternity chapters plagued by toxic masculinity establish a hierarchy
where those who fit traditional masculine stereotypes move to the top by
diminishing those who do not fit traditional masculine stereotypes. These
traditional masculine stereotypes might include suppressing emotions,
maintaining an appearance of hardness, violence as an indicator of power, and
objectification of women, just to name a few. This diminishing of others comes
at the expenses of fostering sense of belonging, because it can limit the
openness needed to be vulnerable and feel accepted within a group. Simply, it
is impossible to feel universally loved, valued, and/or accepted by your
brothers if they are minimizing/attacking you based on your masculinity. Our research
at Dyad shows that conformity and belonging have a strong, inverse correlation.
If a member feels pressured to conform to his chapter’s hyper-masculine norm,
then that member will not feel accepted by his brothers for who he feels he
truly is.
Toxic masculinity can be particularly destructive during the
new member education process, where the expression of toxic masculinity can
feed into bullying, hazing, physical violence, sexual conquest/harassment and
dangerous and high-risk behaviors. The research team at Dyad is able to measure
hazing along the lines of four different “motivations.” The most problematic of
the four hazing motivations is Social Dominance hazing. This rationale is
motivated by reinforcing the social hierarchy between brothers and pledges
through mechanisms of power and control. Our research has found that social
dominance hazing is strongly connected with several of the stereotypes
associated with toxic masculinity – particularly risk taking, heterosexual
presentation, and the “playboy” mentality, which promotes sexual conquest. As advisors, we need to have conversations
with new member educators to inspire healthy masculinity, minimize/eliminate
hierarchies, and foster environments where new members are free to be vulnerable
and open with one another. Creating a sense of belonging is the key to
retention, commitment to the organization, and a healthy brotherhood, all goals
of their new member education process. This is best achieved by creating spaces
where new members can be authentic and open, and it is diminished by
environments where new members feel the need to conform to a certain set of
social or masculine norms.
The conversation surrounding toxic masculinity is often met
with criticism from men, and we see this on news outlets, responses to the Gillette
ads, the Joe Rogan Podcast, and from the men we advise. Critics feel the
conversation is an attempt to emasculate or villainize men, tell them to be
more like women, or virtue signal. The
framing of the conversation puts men on the defensive and distracts from helping
them find areas for growth. It also prevents the vulnerability and openness
needed to develop a healthy sense of masculinity. In order to reach more men,
we need to approach conversations about masculinity in a way that doesn’t
immediately put them on the defensive.
What if we identify the positive aspects of masculinity and
utilize them as an asset to achieve positive behaviors and outcomes? An
asset-based approach to conversations on masculinity requires advisors to
identify how masculinity can be a strength, recognize healthy forms of
masculinity, and engage members in ways that leverage common masculine
qualities to create belonging and meaningful connections. Giving men a positive
message can allow them to take ownership of their masculinity and approach the
problem in an authentic way. Men are traditionally associated with a variety of
traits, many of which can be assets for advisors to leverage and reinforce
within their men. In this way, instead of attacking traditional or toxic
masculinity, we are embracing it and then helping members redefine it.
Examples of masculine traits that can be leveraged to help
build healthy masculinity include:
Courage - What
does it mean to have courage? Is sharing something about yourself when you are
afraid of how others might view you an act of courage? Chapters can foster
belonging by allowing members to be vulnerable and making them feel supported
during those moments of vulnerability, helping them understand that it takes
courage to be open and authentic. By giving members an opportunity to discuss
things like their shared fears, disappointments, anxieties, and failures, we
can promote the concept of courage as a positive asset to help men build a healthier
masculinity. While a culture of toxic masculinity would look to exploit these
fears through mean-spirited jokes, a healthy masculinity will seek to help
these men be courageous and conquer these fears. Robert has low self-esteem and
struggles to overcome being rejected by women, but after disclosing this to his
brothers he receives encouragement and support. Chris lost a father to
alcoholism and is worried that being in a fraternity will present him with too
much pressure to drink. After disclosing this to his brothers, he is constantly
reassured that he doesn’t need to drink in order to fit in, and his brothers
seek out ways to socialize with him in environments free of alcohol. By being
courageous and sharing their fears, these men have earned the acceptance and
support of their brothers, which will only increase their sense of belonging.
Competition - Many
men grow up in environments sports and competitive pursuits are prioritized
over other, less masculine pursuits. While a win-at-all-costs attitude lacks
morality, a competitive nature, the right metrics, and the creation of a
healthy foil can help us motivate our chapters to reach new heights. Campuses
and national organizations have many metrics including GPA, philanthropy
dollars, operational metrics, and participation in programs that represent
ideal opportunities to foster a competitive spirit among fraternity members.
During my time as a consultant with Delta Upsilon, our chapter services team
utilized the data provided to us by Dyad strategies and helped chapters embrace
these measures to more accurately describe their strengths and weaknesses.
Harnessing the competitive spirit in our chapters, we helped groups set goals
and benchmarks to address some of their challenges identified in the data.
During this data-driven age, our chapters crave helpful information and targets
to have a healthier chapter, and the Dyad assessment served as a powerful tool
for both chapter members and advisor to push our chapters to be the best they could
be. Working together to achieve a common goal creates a sense of common purpose
that strongly correlates with belonging. There is pride and satisfaction that
can be taken from being part of something bigger than yourself.
Duty - My father
feels it is his duty to protect the family and he takes pride in making sure
the doors are locked each night. That simple, nightly act of pride has always
stuck with me. Undergraduates usually feel a sense of duty to look after their
guest at events. My father, like many men I see, is strong in his convictions,
trying to teach me right and wrong. The combination of a strong moral compass
and a duty to protect others can provide and excellent entry point into
conversations about bystander intervention. As men, it is our duty to stand up
for what we believe in and to protect the vulnerable. That duty can be demonstrated
by calling brothers out for bad behavior, walking people home at night, or
stepping in to diffuse a problematic situation when a brother isn’t taking a
hint. Our men should strive to be leaders in this way and recognize people when
they uphold their duties to do the right thing. Healthy confrontation as a form
of accountability creates a sense of belonging by showing members that their
brothers care enough for them to look out for their best interests. “I care
enough about you to have this difficult conversation with you” is a powerful
message to send to an insecure young man looking for a place to fit in. The
duty to look out for the best interests of our brothers is an admonition contained
in almost every fraternal initiation ceremony, and leveraging it as a positive
aspect of masculinity can be a powerful reminder of our obligations to one
another.
What ways have you had success helping men foster belonging
in their chapters? How have you most effectively engaged men in talking about
masculinity? As supporters of the fraternal movement, we need to understand the
strengths and pitfalls of masculinity to help fraternity men ditch the
unhealthy hierarchy and dangerous behaviors and find a true sense of belonging
and identity through their brotherhood. We need to ask ourselves, “How do we
allow men to build upon the healthy characteristics that are authentic to
them?” By using an asset-based approach to masculinity, we can help men lead
authentically, role model heathy behaviors in their chapter, and combat the
toxic masculinity that will limit the sense of belonging in their brotherhood.
Jacob Ellis, M.Ed. is a member of the Dyad Strategies Facilitation Team, where he works with campus clients to deliver data-driven programming based on Dyad Strategies' award-winning research. In addition, he serves as Coordinator of Undergraduate Education for Delta Tau Delta Fraternity. In that role, he provides curriculum development and support for all of the fraternity's leadership development programs. Prior to completing his masters degree in Higher Education and Student Affairs at Florida State University, Jacob traveled for his fraternity, Delta Upsilon. In that role, he was part of the first group of fraternity consultants in the country to use Dyad data to engage in data-informed chapter visits. He received an undergraduate degree from Purdue University.
